Last post I wrote about style and authenticity, which seems to be the topic of a fair amount of coming of age films. They’re usually geared toward preteens and teens, so you would think that this is something that we’ve all got down pat by the time we strike out on our own as young adults. But what’s not said in these movies, with their Hollywood endings, is that not everybody makes it out of high school/college a fully self-actualized adult. I didn’t. And I’d like to add, it’s not our faults. Our culture is designed to keep us trapped in a cycle of “fear of not belonging“. In this post I want to discuss all the time you’ll free up once you’ve stopped worrying about what trend other people are following or what they think of you. Then all that’s left to do is join the flow of being your own, productive adult. But first, let’s take a look at how we spend our time.
What Does Your Schedule Look Like?
I’m big on routine. I’m also very good with planning my time and diligent about following through with said plans. Sometimes too good. Where some people doom scroll, I doom plan. My reason being is that I think that if I plan enough, I’ll be comforted by virtue of knowing that what I’m worried about will work out the way I planned. I think I can plan away the fear. This, however, is not the case.
Am I Being Super-Efficient, Or Am I Slave to My Schedule?
Usually what happens is; I become fixated, obsessed on the focus of my worry. I then go over every possible scenario and more often than not, I overestimate my abilities, leading to unrealistic expectations. This makes me worry even more. So I revisit my plan. Often multiple times a day (but it’s always in the back of my mind), trying to tweak it until all the fear is gone. But the more I focus on what I’m afraid of, the more afraid I feel because I’m focused on what I’m afraid of. A good example of my doom planning is in an area I think most of us have an unhealthy amount of fear around: budgeting.
Retiring My Fear of Not Having Enough Money
When I was $126K in debt, I focused so intently on the planning phase of repayment that you would have thought it was a job I was getting paid to do. My drive was so intense that if I put that energy into pursuing my career, I may have increased my earning power enough to have finished paying off my debt much earlier than I planned. But I struggled with developing this area of my life because my planning went unchecked. I was so focused on creating and reworking my budget, then working as many hours as I could cram into my schedule, that I just didn’t realize that I hadn’t been doing what was best for my finances, my career, and subsequently, myself. And the jobs weren’t good for my mental health either.
One job I worked was for a local homeless shelter. I was promoted because I assume they thought I was doing a good job. Then one day I came in 15 minutes late due to a dentist appointment that I told the director I had, was yelled at, and promptly fired on the spot. No bueno.
Forest for the Trees/Something to Prove & Self Worth
What it comes down to is, I had something to prove. I think a lot of us believe that our self-worth hinges on us being perfect at something. Or better than someone else regarding that same something. I often have to remind myself that first and foremost, happiness is not a competition. But this mentality has to do with what I mean when I said above that it’s not our faults. I believe consumer culture, popular culture, and family culture, all have us chasing the same ends using different means in one big popularity contest.
Big business tries to make us feel inadequate by selling us a lifestyle and their products, which incidentally will solve all of our problems. Pop culture has us worshiping idols that make us want to emulate their often times vapid lifestyles and charismatically, unobtainable sex appeal. And our families tell us to beat the competition, whether it’s at school, work, or our own kin. The end message is the same regardless: we need to tear somebody else down to build ourselves up. Through buying things that other people envy and making us “better” than the “have nots”. But it just doesn’t work that way.
Tips to Plan for the Stress & Schedule Happy
So now that we’ve taken a look at how we currently spend our time, often times driven by fear, I want to share with you how I allocate my time and tasks without the doom. The habits that helped release me from the expectations of others, but maybe most importantly my own. And I’m able to plan my daily tasks and monthly to-dos with a sense of ease, not from a place of worry. This way of planning helps me find the happiness in my life that was already there, I just needed to make room in my schedule to enjoy it : ) Lets take a look at some of the habits that help.
Cultivate Discipline: I know that I’m not going to win any friends with this suggestion, but if you want to affect real change in your schedule, you’ll need to; A) Know what you truly want, B) come up with a plan to get it, and C) exercise discipline to achieve it. There is no shortcut. From my experience, if you want to feel good about yourself and your life’s trajectory, getting your nails did, or buying trendy clothing won’t get you there (unless nails are truly your passion). The times I feel most satisfied are while I’m doing something that I’m good at because I’ve put the hours in. Or when I’m following the plans I’ve made for building the life that I truly desire. To my specs. Not what somebody else is selling me. First habit, media consumption.
Limit Your Media Intake: Social & Other to Free Up Valuable Time: Your phone is not your friend 85% of the time. I made that percentage up, but according to the BBC, the average person spends 1/3 their waking day, nearly 5 hours on their phones. That means advertisers have your attention as much, if not more than your loved ones. Probably more if we’re being honest : ( No bueno. I only use my phone for certain tasks. Music, banking, navigation, weather, scheduling, email and internet (mostly research on products and events I’m interested in). I don’t count music as screen time since It’s like having a radio playing in the background. All said, I probably spend about two and a half hours on my device a day. I think I have my dad to thank for this habit.
When he’s talking with someone, he mutes the tv or puts down his phone and focuses on the person. I know this makes me feel heard, and that’s something I want to do for others to help them feel cared about. Thanks dad.
I Get the News I Need on the Weather Report: A big time suck for many is reading about the people you hate. Usually doing stupid things, under the scrutiny of our judgements of said stupid people. Facebook and social media are excellent facilitators of this mindset and validate our judgments. During your next workday, take note of how many times you check socials, or news outlets to track somebody else’s movements and business. Be they friends, celebrities, family, politicians, pets or other. Then, note how much time you spend venting your indignant and self-righteous rage to your working buddies. I work in a large organization and there are clicks abound. All talking some sort of smack to one another, usually about one another, all while staring at their phones. I’m at work and it’s literally happening as I’m typing. It’s endemic in large companies.
Plan Ahead: This is an important one. Planning ahead by scheduling time on a day during your week where you can focus on tasks that will get you ahead, and set you up for your month frees up loads of time. Let’s take a look at my monthly schedule, and how I make things easier for myself.
My Current Monthly Plan & Tools
1. Calendar: I usually start my planning by taking a day to write my monthlies in my journal. I like to go to a local coffee shop. A habit I picked up when I first started taking my life seriously and is a sentimental comfort of mine. I began bullet journaling almost seven years ago and it’s been a creative outlet and source of joy ever since. I like to write out my calendar from scratch. This is because of the feeling I get from starting with a clean slate. I pick out three to four colored markers, and some colored pens, then draw my grid. I fill the days with birthdays, holidays, deadlines or other notables, and I make it as big as it has to be, often spanning two pages.
2. To-Do: I used to track my to-do list on my monthly spread, but my daily tasks became too much for just a quarter of a page per month. Instead I put realistic goals in its place. It’s a much better use of space and way to hold myself accountable for building the life I want to live.
3. Nourishment: You need to eat. So, it goes without saying that you need to cook. Some people go out to eat every day. This is crazy to me, and it isn’t healthy for either you, or your wallet. You don’t know what’s going into their food, so you could be intaking large amounts of sodium and fats, ext. And if you’re eating out in MA, where I live, you’ll spend close to $40 for two drinks, entrée and tip. If you go out twice a week, that’s $80 a week, $320 a month for just one person. That adds up quick. Learning to cook for yourself is something that will increase your quality of life exponentially. One habit that can help you with healthier eating habits is to keep track of your soon to be well stocked freezer.
I batch cook, so I have large amounts of food on hand. This saves me time because I don’t have to prepare my meals every night, and it’s a God sent if I’ve gotten home at 11:30pm, have to work at 7am, and don’t have enough time to do anything but eat and sleep. Because if you’re like me, these are the times I’m most likely to eat out.
4. Special Projects & Lists: I keep track of one offs, like DIY projects I’m working on. Most recently I’ve been planning my garden, and the progress of the veggies I’m growing. It’ll help when I plan for next year and a good way to know what I’ve already done/needs doing. I also track lists I keep tabs on like Christmas gifts. It’s a good way to not only list what I’m buying, but also brainstorm ideas. I have all my ideas for the season in one place. And something I haven’t done yet, but plan on doing is, projects around the house. We’re currently getting the yard ready for the season, and I need a place to put down my ideas. This is an ideal place for this type of project.
5. Budget: Like I said above, budgeting is scary when you don’t have a good handle on your finances. I do my budget monthly, taking into account my incoming funds, expenses, and long/short term savings. I’ll be going into depth on this subject in other posts, but incase you’re just starting to think about this subject let me tell you from experience that denial doesn’t pay your bills.
Learning how to schedule in the way that works best for you takes time. There isn’t one way to do it, or “a right way”, so show yourself a little grace. You may fall back into old habits, or find that something you want to work doesn’t workout the way you planned. but give yourself time, and be kind. It’ll come together, as long as you stick with it. Remember, you’re in control of your schedule, not the other way around. And it doesn’t have to be perfect. Creativity seldom is. So stop holding yourself to such a high standard (; Peace, and thanks for reading :)🏔️🌙🕯️
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