I started working at a large Medical organization recently and it’s been a good experience so far. I’m a float, which means that I work different floors, and each one has it’s own culture. For example one floor has the feel of an AP science class from high school. I’m not sure what an AP science class is like since I never took one, or an AP class for that matter. But my co-workers remind me of my former AP classmates. And just like high school, some of floors have an underserved air of superiority. But something doesn’t sit right with me about the culture of the organization, and I had some trouble putting my finger on it until I had dinner with my parents this past Father’s Day where my step-mother said something that gave me a new perspective.
The Privileged Perspective
I was explaining the situation over our mains when my step-mom said, “it sounds like you’re upset about their privilege”. And that was it, the missing piece. I felt upset about the individuals who took their privilege for granted, while I, and most of the hospital staff like the maintenance division, struggle to get what we have. I was trying to prove how strong I was because I succeeded in obtaining something similar to what they had, however small, only without their privilege. Like when Jay-Z says in his song, “Come and Get Me”, “I made my hustling, I don’t owe n***** sh**”. But this frame of mind can be an unhealthy one. Let me explain why.
With Privilege Comes Responsibility
I don’t dislike the people I work with. They’re mostly good people, and like I said I had something to prove. But asides from the bravado, what I really wanted to prove was that I am more than worthy of their respect. But I was pretentious in trying to get my message across. I not only assumed I worked harder, but I also thought I took their abuse by virtue of being subjected to their entitlement. So I was just as guilty as they were of being entitled, possibly more arrogant, though they most likely had more support than I did so we were even?
But I wouldn’t invite most of these people into my home. Or spend time with them outside of work. So what was my goal with my bravado? Or chasing their approval if I wasn’t going to hangout with them to rub it in their faces? What it comes down to is that I wanted them to recognize their privilege, and respect those that have struggled/are struggling to get what was given to them (the privileged) so freely. I also wanted them to realize how much harm their privilege can cause if misused, because it usually comes in the form of power.
Privilege is what affords them the life where they’re able to complain about the things and people they’re indirectly hurting. I wanted them to recognize that I was the adult in the room and that they should follow my lead. But I’ve come to realized that aside from me being arrogant, it isn’t their fault.
Pain, It’s all the Same
Some of what I’m saying is true. I don’t want to take responsibility for them and their actions, however unintentional. But they’re struggling too. Maybe more so because of their privileged bubble and the fear it produces. They may fear those they look down on because they can’t relate to their struggle, and the strength that comes from enduring it. So they avoid them by pretending that being disadvantaged is the cause of their (the unprivileged) poverty, situation, whatever, and the privileged use their arrogance and pity to mask their fear (pity makes my blood boil, but I won’t go into that here). This is what Tara Brach, Buddhist psychiatrist calls “The Unlived Life”. Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about.
What Resilience Looks
Like & What Most People Run From
One of my former roles was as a social worker on Mass & Cass in Boston during the opioid epidemic. An average day for those of us who were working by the Boston Medical Center’s methadone clinics, was walking by homeless individuals who had OD’d, most likely dead, and splayed out on the sidewalk with syringes sticking out of various body parts. To work there you had to be hard. And I worked with a woman who was as hard as they come. Suz.
During my training Suz brought me to a client’s “home” which was really a FIMA trailer. We had no place to house the masses of homeless in the city, so we stuck them in surplus FIMA trailers. I’m guessing they were leftover from Hurricane Katrina. Hey, better than on the streets.
The client was a double amputee whose legs had become necrotic due to years of living on the streets without medical attention, so they had to cut them off. Suz walked right up to the client, threw on some gloves, and started rubbing the woman’s necrotic stumps with ointment, while asking her about her day. She was talking as though this were completely normal. And it was for us. This was what we were dealing with daily, and to be privy to this side of humanity and not run from it, to dig in to get the job done, that’s strength.
When Privilege Leverages Inequity to Keep Themselves on Top
As I’ve said before in my post about budgeting, I paid off a considerable amount of debt. Around $136,000, much of it medical, totaling about $40,000. I had to work two jobs, 65 hours a week, was making just above minimum wage, and paid it off in ten years.
The organization I work for now has many attending physicians. The average salary in MA for an attending physician is about $200,000. This means it would have taken a doctor making their average salary six months to pay off what took me 120 months. And if $40,000 of my medical debt was going to pay the doctors’ salary, that means it took me 48 months to pay for my medical bills, which equates to 2.5 months of the average doctor’s pay in Massachusetts. It took me 4 years to pay a doctor for two and a half months of their work. That’s inequity.
So now that I think I understand the cause of the divide, what do we do about it? I think one solution can be found in the subject of a Dead Kennedys song.
Stars & Stripes of the Privileged?
The song “The Stars & Stripes of Corruption” by the dead Kennedys is a great example of the ignorance of the privileged. The song, albeit harsh, makes the argument that American culture is based on the tenets of consumerism and corrupt politics, as avarice for money and power. What I believe Biafra is saying is that in an attempt to separate themselves (the privileged) from the suffering they associate with poverty, they believe the disadvantaged choose to be disadvantaged due to laziness, or some variation of that theme. And that they (the under privileged) could, and should, pull themselves up by their bootstraps. The lyric below describes how the US’s political system resembles that of a banana republic’s more than the democracy it was founded on:
If you want a banana republic that bad
Why don’t you go move to one?
Pole Time: Banana Republic, What’s the First Thing that Comes to Mind?
When I first heard the song I thought he was talking about the retail store, and I’m sure many others assumed the same. He very well may be alluding to the franchise as well. But the sad truth is that the two, the store and system of government, aren’t that dissimilar. Both exploit people to cement their privilege.
Curious, I asked a couple of my coworkers, “what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear ‘Banana Republic?’”. Their first answer was the clothing store. But when I explained that Banana Republic is named after an oppressive regime, their first reaction was, “I don’t shop there”. This is a problem, and an example of ignorance in action.
Granted our socio-economic stratification doesn’t come close to that of a banana republic’s, (sort of) but Banana Republic naming itself a-politically after an unstable regime, owned by large corporations who use their military to run the country like a sweatshop, all because the owners wanted to sell a luxury clothing brand because they “like the clothing people wear on safari”? That’s criminal. This may seem like an extreme example, but it exemplifies the relationship between the haves and the have-nots almost perfectly.
Relating to the Struggle
So what’s the solution to help people relate to difficult experiences? Jay-Z (I listen to a lot of Jay-Z) put it this way, “(I) Made ’em relate to your struggle, told ’em ’bout your hustle, Went on MTV with durags, I made them love you” – Come and Get Me, Jay-Z. I don’t know that there is a one-shot solution that will make everyone be loving and accepting. But I think if we’re going to change minds and help people relate to one another’s struggle, then we need to do it on micro levels. And tell our stories while we do it.
In order to relate or empathize with someone you first need to understand what they are going through. This means listening, and maybe most importantly, without judgement. This first step is, I think, the most difficult for people to get past.
Empathizing 101
When you emphasize with someone, you put yourself in their shoes. You have to recognize their situation, then feel it as they do. But if you’re trying to be picture perfect, to your friends, family and every stranger you meet on the street, then any sign of struggling can be seen as a character flaw. So we separate ourselves from the others’ struggles because we view it as an imperfection, and exactly what we’re avoiding.
Dangers of Perfection
For example, my family was obsessed with looking like the picture of success. My grandparents lived in a wealthy town, my grandfather worked at a well paying job in Boston, and my grandmother was a model turned housewife in the 50’s. The entire family struggled with drinking problems and emotional/physical abuse, I’m guessing because of our unlived emotional lives. But we also stifled our unique forms of self expression for fear of not fitting in. We were so panic stricken at the thought of being ostracized that we couldn’t even see what the other was experiencing emotionally aside from the panic that everybody felt. This is why we couldn’t empathize. So how do we recognize the issues that need empathizing with? And start to make a change? Recognize that struggle is universal.
What’s Your Struggle?
More importantly, we need to recognize that we’re struggling. To feel heard by each other, seen and cared about by someone, or even just validated that you are a person with emotional needs. Real basic stuff. But if you’ve been hurt enough by those closest to you, then you will probably feel a fair amount of contempt for, well, probably everybody. So instead of writing people off, how do we manage ourselves and our relationships?
Making Peace with Your Indignation
If you’re ready to make peace with the inequity, then first you need to separate from the people who can’t recognize your struggling. And take your time! Something I’ve learned while talking with people who are privileged is that they often get defensive. So definitely recognize when you’re angry, otherwise it will just turn into a pissing match (where did that phrase originate?). And by being non-judgmental and calm, you’ll both hopefully be at ease, and more open to hearing the other person. And that’s where true understanding manifests.
So friends, if you’ve struggled, and are in close proximity to those who just don’t know how privileged they are, (and are acting like asses) I feel you. But be patient and kind. Or at least non-judgmental. And don’t take it personally. Until people recognize their privilege, then transmute that into empathy, It’s going to be hard for them to relate to your struggle. But know their are others that recognize what you’re going through. And privilege does not equate to superiority or happiness. And if they are hella stubborn, being direct with a flat affect helps to keep the equality. It’s hard to get an emotional reaction from a brick wall. So stay the course, and hopefully you’ll be able to help someone see the light. Peace, & Thanks for Reading :)🏔️🌙🕯️
For more on Banana Republics and their origins, store and system of government, check out these sites. Also, ask your friends if they know what it means. It helps to spread the word:
The Art/Crime Archive: The Problematic Origins of Your Mothers Favorite Clothing Store.
Forbes: The True Story Behind the Banana Republic Brand (This one really makes my blood boil.)
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