I watch “Fixer Upper”. With their high production value, upbeat tempo and their eye for design, I am definitely on the Chip and Jo band wagon. I think some of this has to do with my upbringing, but I’ll get to that later. I think what was so satisfying about the show was, that they got a lot accomplished in the duration of one show, and they looked good doing it.
Fast forward almost a decade later, and I’ve been watching other home renovation shows. Namely “Maine Cabin Masters”, and “This Old House”. I enjoy Cabin Masters for it’s unpretentious delivery, and This Old House because they see a project through from start to finish with master craftsmen who have been in the industry for decades. But what I enjoy the most is that they also show you how to do it, and not just how pretty it’s going to look.
Style Driven by Fear
I recently revisited “Fixer Upper” and realized that they didn’t show us the nuts and bolts of what they were doing during the process of renovating the house. And what I took away from the half hour was that they were modeling a lifestyle that they’re selling us through their brand. I tallied the products for sale on their website and a rough estimate is about 2,500 items. That’s concerning. Their main focus, from my perspective is that this is what your house and life-style should look like. But I also recognize that people seek them out to gain guidance. And not everybody is doing it because it’s popular. But let’s take it back to the individual, with a decision Jo was making for herself.
For example, one episode I watched Jo was nervous about painting the exterior of the house a shade of red. But she felt validated in her color choice once she discovered that the house was originally painted the same color, after removing a wall sconce and uncovered the house’s original hue. She seemed insecure in her judgements of the house she was designing for her family, even though the house is for them to enjoy. Nobody else was going to be effected by her decisions but them. So then why the fear?
I think this happens when style is not informed by the substance of your personality. By your core self and what makes you happy. Likes and dislikes. Are you doing it because this is how you think it should look, or how you want it to look? What do you want the backdrop of the special moments in your life to be? In regards to Jo’s decision, why not ask herself what color will bring me joy when I think of the house I’m going to live in and share with my loved ones? And then choose from this place of reflection.
Now I recognize that I’m being hard on Jo. She’s a talented designer and I like her style. My guess is that she really liked the color she chose initially. And we all get nervous from time to time. I also recognize that I see a lack of executive function as a weakness. A by-product of the toxically masculine culture I was raised in (Rambo 1, 2 and 3 are good examples). And what is design but something that is aesthetically pleasing to look at. I’m only trying to illustrate that when fear of how others see us is present, our personal style may be sacrificed.
My Bid at Design School
I went to Boston Architectural College for a semester. It was terrible. I love design, and I love building things, so I thought going to the BAC was a no-brainer. It, however, was not.
One of the first things they told us was that we were going to work 80 hour work weeks. Not this guy. That was when I decided that being an architect wasn’t the career for me. The entire culture had a grandiose feel to it. As though what they are doing is the work of deities, and that they deserved an undue amount of respect from the mere mortals they were designing these buildings for. It was difficult trying to reconcile the egos I was surrounded by, which is saying a lot because I was very arrogant at the time. What it came down to was that they had something to prove, and it directly correlated with how they felt they were being seen by others. I know because I had something to prove too, and as Jay-Z said in his song, “All Around the World“, “real recognize real and you lookin’ familiar”.
They covered over their fear of not being enough on their own with the validations they were seeking from others of how they want to be seen, using a drive and intense focus on that validation they believe will give them their sense of self-worth. Basically they were making pretty things to hopefully impress others enough to feel worth. But as I learned, worth is not generated externally.
Style as an Expression of Your True Self
The fear I recognized in Jo was the same fear I saw driving what was being taught to me in design school. The lessons were, how to concede to popular trends, past and present, while stifling their own unique perspectives and creativity in the name of feeling acceptance. But is this what style is supposed to be about?
Form Follows Function, Not Function Follows form
What I know to be true for me is that style is an expression of the substance of who we feel we are. The above heading is a theory I learned at the BAC, but one that is perennially forgotten (and they themselves forgot). I think that the popular trends we follow, wear and revere in celebrities may have elements we like. But I don’t think that all of the people wearing these popular trends think their look and feel are extensions of their own personality. They’re after the confidence the person sporting the trend has. I find elements of Joanna’s design pleasing, but it definitely isn’t the only way I would illustrate my core self.
Finding Your Style, Finding Your Substance
So if popular trends aren’t a one size fits all, how do we find the symbols, or put another way, elements of style that represent the parts of our personality that we want to express? Maybe start with the reasons we’re picking popular trends, and then go from there. Here’s an example.
The People I Looked Up to
I had one friend that I looked up to when I was very young. Maybe from the age of 4 until I was a teenager. I dressed like him, wanted to look like him and even tried to talk like him. I wanted to be him. But I think what I was really attracted to was his confidence. He looked cool in his clothes, but they were the current trend. Everybody who could afford it was wearing it, and those who couldn’t wanted it. But he had a way of owning it. What I was noticing was that he was feeling confident by how he looked and acted BECAUSE he was being validated for following along with the current trends, and not because he was confident in who he is. So he and his friends sat around and validate each other for following the current trends. But his confidence, less the trends, would have looked the same if he were true to his core sense of self.
Photos of graffiti I found in Boston’s China Town while working on Mass & Cass.
Feeling More Me
Now that I’m older, I’m much happier. There are a lot of reasons for that, but the biggest takeaway is that I’m comfortable and confident with who I am now. I’ve learned the life skills I was never taught, and what’s more, I’ve made it through all the adversity in my life so far, and I’m still successful in a lot of ways.
I’ve also discovered what I like and am like while going through these experiences. I think I can attribute that to facing my challenges even though I was afraid, and becoming more confident and stronger afterward, by facing them. I’m taking 100% responsibility for my life now, and that gives me the confidence to be unapologetically me. And through coming in contact with new people, cultures and experiences, I’ve picked up their different elements, and cobbled them together to create the mosaic that is my personality. And that’s including the pieces of my old role models. Just because they were faking it, doesn’t mean I can’t make it my own, that which speaks to my soul. And after all, that may have been who they truly are too, if they dropped the fear and recognized that they were already who they wanted to be. And I believe that this is where style is met, and informed by the substance of your personality. The substance of yourself after your life experiences, less the fear.
Photos I took that reflect my taste, style and personality 🙂
Just Be You
So friends, when it comes to picking out what you’re going to wear for the day, or when you go clothes shopping next, remember to listen to how you’re feeling. It’s Ok to like trends, but make sure that you’re doing it because it feels like home to you. Are you grabbing it because you want to talk about it with your friends so you feel like you fit in? Is there a little bit of fear behind your decision? Or are you getting it because it feels right, regardless of who you think will, or will not judge you? Take a moment to listen, and you’ll know what feels right. Peace & thanks for reading ⛰️🌙🕯️
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