Social Experiment, The Question
I’m running an experiment. If you read my post, “Why I’m Giving Up” you’ll know I wrote about why I’ve stopped helping people who don’t want it. In that article I wrote about some pretty heavy stuff. My intention for writing it however wasn’t to ask for validation or pity. I wrote it because I was upset and I had no one to talk to. In fact only three people texted me after I published it, who I am super grateful for. But what surprised me was that none of my family texted me, or any of the other friends that I am in frequent contact with. So I’m deciding to do something about it. Who wants to text me back.
The Research
I went over this some in my post “Goodnight, & Thanks for Being My Friend”. I wrote that I was going to express my gratitude more frequently by texting a group of friends every night, with a little message saying how grateful I am for them. I was excited to start, as I am about most of my ideas, but I realized after a few weeks that only two people out of ten or eleven were answering. Two of them actually yelled at me to stop because they didn’t want to see a text come through on their phone after a certain time. This was disheartening (and we had a lively discussion about them setting healthy boundaries with their phones).
The Control
Now I understand that people get busy. Life gets crazy and we can’t always answer every text as soon as it comes through. And some of my friends are dealing with very serious issues. Like mental illness and physical disease to name a few. One of them is battling liver cancer. But in the past two, two and a half years, I got fired from three jobs where one was committing insurance fraud (not to mention super racist), one was committing medical negligence where lives were on the line, and one fired my on the spot unprovoked with extreme prejudice. There are other things too, like I have epilepsy and can’t drive which limits my ability to get jobs that most people would have no problem getting to via a 15 minute commute by car. Or even getting to the grocery store takes me one and a half to two hours travel time, not including the shopping. For context, Market Basket is a ten minute drive from my house.
But I experienced one of the most stressful events someone can go through in a lifetime, three times in two years. And I still found the time to send seven or eight texts a night. Hell, even my friend who’s battling cancer responds more often then all but four of my friends. Hughes, Steve, Joe, Anastasia and Shannon, thank you. You have no idea how grateful I am for you 🙂 Nick, you get honorable mention🏔️🌙 This is how it’s been for a while now, but I’m not conceding defeat. And my stance on the issue is the same as I told my parents one day while we were having an argument, “I’m not doing anything anybody else can’t do.”
The Hypothesis
I’m going to stop texting people for a month with the exception of the people I mentioned above, less Nick, and see who texts me first. That’s not to say that I won’t text back if and when somebody does. I am just waiting for them to make the first move. I realize that I give too much of myself to other people because first, I genuinely like and care about them, and second, I see a hell of a lot of potential in them. I want my friends to succeed. And I know a lot of them have good intentions. But that doesn’t make it any easier when they don’t respond. And me trying to pull that potential out if they don’t want to see it is a fruitless effort.
“I Got a New Motto This Year”*
I’m doing this all because I literally have no one to talk to. I see people everyday complain about their friends and family, their significant others, about how so and so is doing this and that and how it really pisses them off. Or how excited they are about going to an event with so and so… And all I can think is, “you have friends?” Again, I’m not looking for pity. And I recognize that not everyone is happy in their, or have healthy friendships. It’s just that I’m doing everything we are told to do to build healthy relationships and I’m till coming up short somehow. I have a lot of hobbies and interests, but few to share them with. Again, not looking for pity, it’s just hard.
The reason I’m doing this isn’t so I can rub it in my friends faces. I don’t want anyone to feel bad. I’m looking to find the people who want to be my friends. Not just when I text them or something is happening. And I don’t want to be left wondering if they find my attempts to create a bond is a nuisance. I want to put my energies into the people who care enough to reach out. And I’m not writing anybody off, which is important for me to say. If they text, I’ll text back, and be happy they reached out. Because I love the people I text. That’s why I text them. But I’d rather spend my time on the people who want to be around me. Not in a way that we’re commiserating about whom we hate or tear someone down for sport. I want my relationships to have more substance.
I’m an optimist. I don’t want to lose that. I also don’t want to lose my time and energy to something that is out of my control like trying to change people. And I don’t believe my expectations are unreasonable. All I want are friends who will be honest with me and text me back. Maybe hang out once or twice a month. My next post I’ll let you know the outcome. I’m hoping for the best, but also staying optimistically cautious. Peace, & Thanks for Reading 🏔️🌙
*”I Got a New Motto This Year” Lyrics, Jay-Z, “Jigga My Nigga”
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